Once upon a time ago, there was a family whose father was evil and useless.
Mother tried her best to raise her daughters out of her love.
However, sadly she did not know how to raise her children.
That was not her fault because nobody in her society was a good role model to be good parents.
She was sexually abused and physically harmed due to her shitty husband who is the same with any other Korean male.

I am her daughter who has decided not to see her again to take care of my life out of mother’s unrecommendable way of parenting.
I had lost over a decade to be a perfect daughter for her.
Now I lost contact with her and feel safer and still I am still struggling because I have not grown up properly in social context.

I lost over a decade to please her and I loathe her.

Put myself first is the only medicine in my life.

I do know that everything she and I suck was due to patriarchy.

I know why she broke me out of her love which was poisonous because the way she loved me rooted from misogyny.

She locked me in little cell and felt pleased that nobody except my future husband will contact me psychologically.  
Everything I felt curiosity was forbidden because she could not bear to see me hurt.

Again, I know it is because of society not her personal wrong or right. 

But I broke time to time because of this shitty country and shitty parenting deeply related with misogyny.

I leave this shitty my mother land with leaving all behind including my flesh and blood and everything.
No matter how much I get hurt, I will revenge this country.
An woman who is smart, healthy, strong, and promising will revenge this country.

Since my parents taught me wrong behaviors, I need to know how to fix them.

First, I need to know who I am.
I always had trouble to get along with people especially at work place.
There are some reasons why it was hard for me.
First, others were like my shitty parents and I also had that kind of shitty points.
How I will overcome this is first learning what is better strategies from well grown adults around me and from books.

Second, change atmosphere.
If necessary, change house condition, sport activity, country, job and acquaintances.

Under associating with my shitty parents and shitty country system and misogyny,
Everything would not work well no matter how hard and properly I work.
The system will continue to commit errors. 

Third, fake it until I make it.
Let’s admit that I am not good at socializing because I do not know how to bend and strategically lead others to be favorable to me.
I easily make haters. Even though, I am also good at socializing with people in power and becoming a leader.
Building a public identity not to be target and get info from others is leading my life enrich.
Fake it. My personality is stubborn. I can use my real identity when I need it.

Forth, build a fake and useful public identity.
I am suck at socializing way too much.
My fake personality will be dry and functioning.
If I work well at my work and make less trouble then whether I talk less with reading atmosphere and I less get socializing with coworkers with making money for company,
I will have my job.

Fifth, set a small but important goal according to the priority.
My first priority is getting a job which guarantee to continue more than a year.
Problem is how to socializing with others.

Too much information is poisonous.
Dry and functioning identity is my goal.
Read atmosphere. 
Being indifferent is dangerous. 
Someone who is stupid than me is my boss. Fake respect.
Find field which I can make money and which needs me.
Try to find a job which has female workers.
Swimming and bath are healing time. Keep that in mind. 

In summary, how to be an adult was like this.
Fake personality which is socially accepted, not excluded, not judged as rude, cocky, show off but not coward and awkward.
Earn money. No money no growth.
When I am outside of my house, I am an actress. Fake and lie to success.
Learn from people around me. No matter how pig and dog they are, they are functioning at the job you are in an entry level.
Not fair. Always there is a hierarchy. 

Read books. Children book is also wonderful.

Read biography. It will inject desire and ambition to me.

Eat healthy.
Spend money to treat me properly with respect.
Be conscious of people with low self-esteem. They hurt everyone including themselves.
So love and believe in myself and act.

Ps. Well grown up adult is accepted and welcomed in society. Society wants someone harmoniously working with others. Fake personaility. Dry and functioning are enough. Not to be sulking. Fake personilty. What is right and real is only allowed to people with power and honor. If necessary, yeilding is better than being broken. Just remember that I am acting to revenge shitty misogyny and save my ass to go higher to be safer and more peaceful and not to be interrupted by others